Self-confidence + my journey

 
 

I recently had the opportunity to sit and have coffee with a follower of mine. She reached out to me for an interview on JENSROOM8 where she showcases up-and-coming talent and people with passion for art (link to my interview below). I was so excited to be interviewed since it's the first time i'd ever answer personal questions - I had no idea what she would ask me and if i'd even have answers. 

Many of her questions left me stuck. Not because they were hard questions but because I never gave some of them much thought until that moment. I wanted to be honest and answer accurately. But one question stood out to me and has been on my mind since.

"You are always so confident. Are there ever moments where you have been insecure?"

To be honest, i've been asked this before by so many people. And my answer had always been half-assed because I don't know. I don't know why I hold my head up high. I don't know why a lot of things don't affect me in ways it does to others. I don't know why I believe in myself. I just do. 

But when Jen asked, I gave it deep thought. 

Everyone and I mean everyone has insecurities or doubts. Some more than others. We are constantly trying to improve ourselves or do/be better. We seek better jobs than the last to move up in life, we workout to lose weight or tone up to be the best versions of ourselves, we wear makeup to enhance our features and natural beauty, we read to be more knowledgable and be smarter than our peers - the list goes on. We are on a never ending journey to improve ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually for ourselves and sometimes for others. 

I owe most of my confidence to my mother. She instilled it in me. She taught me to be the bigger person in every situation and never never never let anyone see me sweat. This is all I've ever known when it comes to confidence, since I was a little girl. So it feels almost second nature and automatic. 

But there has been times when I've had lows. My biggest low or may I say, where I felt I had the most insecurities was in high school. I dealt with a lot of hate from other girls and even some friends where I felt a little lost or shall I say conflicted with my own confidence - where I questioned the confidence I thought was so natural to me. I realized maybe my confidence wasn't so natural after all. So I stuck with what my mom had always preached to me and it was to be the bigger person and keep my head up high. So I did. For two years. Two whole years. I guess you could say I faked my confidence and held my head high until it just became real. And then there was a turning point where I just grew a tough skin. I felt it inside me just happen - just click. Words didn't affect me. Situations didn't impact me. I didn't react to hate or anyone for that matter. 

And now i'm here. 5 years later with the same tough skin and confidence. Confidence that can't be tainted or shaken by anything or anyone. It's embedded in me in every way. Confidence lives inside and outside of me and its contagious. 

What i'm trying to share is that sometimes you will have doubts and insecurities. Self-confidence comes easy to some more than others. Do not envy someones confidence. Sometimes you will have issues with your self-esteem but you have to keep your head up high. You have to talk to yourself and fill yourself with daily affirmations. You have to work hard at it, every single day. Work on your confidence. Work on yourself. Enhance and improve in the areas you feel insecure in. Believe in your abilities. It will take some time - shit is hard but I promise any small effort will help. You deserve to be confident and love yourself wholeheartedly. Life is incredibly beautiful and filled with blessings when you are loving yourself and believing in you. 

Read my interview HERE

Wearing: 
H&M sweatshirt
ZARA trousers
URBAN OUTFITTERS bag
CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN patent leather heels
MIU MIU sunglasses